Trying to Help God Out

Society tells us, “To be complete, we need a mate.” We desire a mate because as women, our desire is to have someone to love and to be loved in return. We want a family because we derive our identity through relationships. The closest earthly relationship that we can have is between a husband and wife.

I found myself being desperate because time had passed me by and I was no longer of the age to bear children. When my husband-to-be came into my life, I was so excited about getting married that I ignored my own principle about marriage counseling. I was more concerned with the idea of getting married than the person I was marrying. I had always said that I would go through pre-marital counseling, but I didn’t. I ignored the warning signs such as his financial instability, his many previous marriages, and counsel from close friends. I was looking at my husband-to-be through rose-colored glasses.

I was elated at the chance to get married since I was no “spring chicken.” I tried to cover over our differences and spiritualize our union by saying we would be able to work together in the ministry. I was so caught up with the idea of getting married that I stopped focusing on building the relationship. I lied to myself, saying that some of our incompatibilities were very little and we could overcome them through prayer. But I was really more in love with the idea of marriage than with my spouse-to-be.

In the beginning we were happy and tried hard to make it work because we did not want to disappoint God. I didn’t realize that I had missed the major road signs and the hard fact that he was not the right person for me, and neither was I the right person for him. My mother had great reservations about us getting married but she didn’t want to interfere in my life. Needless to say, this marriage did not have a good start as both of us were in deception about each other.

You might be saying, “You prayed and you still missed the mark.” Yes, I saw only what I wanted to see. God does not take away our free will. We are not infallible, only God is.

Do not be in a hurry to marry someone just because you feel the biological clock is ticking. It is better to be single and happy than to be married and unhappy.

God does not need our help. His plan is to give you a future and a hope. Give God all the time He needs to bring that person to you. Don’t allow the devil to trick you into thinking that the grass is greener on the other side. With the wrong person, it is like living in weeds. Life is not over; there is still time for God to fulfill His promise to you.

Prayer of Healing

Father, forgive me for not trusting You enough to bring the right man/woman into my life. I ask for Your forgiveness for all the times I have tried to fulfill getting a mate through my own efforts and agenda. Today, I decide I will not go ahead of You, just like Sarah did in the Bible when she gave her maid-servant Hagar to Abraham that produced the child Ishmael. I will take hold of the promise in Isaiah 34:16 that You will send the right mate for me. By faith, I thank You for providing my mate.

Seek out the book of the Lord and read: not one of these [details of prophecy] shall fail; none shall want and lack her mate [in fulfillment], for the mouth [of the Lord] has commanded, and His Spirit has gathered them. Isaiah 34:16 (AMP).

If God is concerned about bringing mates for His creation, how concerned He must be about bringing a mate for you, His most valuable creation.

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Update for Book

Keep an eye out for my book, Lord, Deliver Me From Me, which is expected to be released by the end of September!

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When You Are Rejected

I was passed over for a role in a school play. My teacher gave it to her favorite student. I was deeply hurt. I asked, “What was wrong with me?”

What does rejection look like? It’s like having a hole in your bucket.

Someone's going to get a wet surprise.

Someone’s going to get a wet surprise. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There’s song that goes, “There’s a hole in my bucket, dear Henry, dear Henry. Well then, fix it dear Liza, dear Liza.”

Nothing can stay in a bucket with a hole.

Rejection can be defined as “To refuse or accept a person. Throw away, discard, or to cast out. To refuse or unsatisfactory.”

When we are rejected, we build walls around ourselves to protect ourselves. We don’t want people to see our insecurity, loneliness, self-pity, or vanity. We project a negative self-image upon ourselves; and become critical and reject ourselves and others. This cycle of rejection undercuts our relationships with God and others.

No matter how much love you receive, you still do not feel loved. It’s like being in a love vacuum, because you cannot retain the love you receive. Thus, to compensate for feeling unloved, we fill our lives with things such as possessions, recognition, careers, etc. Some of us go the negative route of becoming pleasure and addiction seeking.

When my husband left me, I felt devasted. I felt insecure and less than. I felt like a failure and I had disappointed God.

Being rejected breaks down your value. I would often second guess myself. I went through the process of inner healing, because only God can heal those hurts and seal up the hole in bucket. He gave me stability and a sense of value in my life. Nothing could fill up that hole, only a revelation of God and how much I meant to Him.

Sometimes, as a woman, we feel that marriage is a completion of us, but God reminded me that I am only complete in Him. Marriage does not define my womanhood. I am a woman by God’s design. He sealed that bucket when I became a daughter of the King.