When You Think You Can’t Go On Anymore

“I can’t go on, Lord. I have had enough,” I said to myself one Sunday evening. I placed a bottle of sleeping pills in front of me as I sat on my bed.


pills (Photo credit: Mouse)

I had been depressed for several months. I was extremely stressed working in my job, and I was upset with God that I was still single. I was already in my 30s and still not yet married. My hopes and dreams were dashed.

For several months, I went through the motions of going to church every Sunday, and serving Him in full time ministry. But I felt that my life was going in a direction that I had no control over. I felt hopeless and all alone in this world. I was ashamed and didn’t talk to anyone because I felt family and friends wouldn’t understand.

I just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up in pain anymore. I cried out to God to take away my pain.

“I waited and waited and waited for God.
 At last he looked; finally he listened.
 He lifted me out of the ditch, pulled me from deep mud. He stood me up on a solid rock to make sure I wouldn’t slip.” Psalms 40:1-2, MSG.

During this time, God reminded me that I have an enemy, Satan, who would love to get credit for cutting my life short. But God showed me that my life was greater than my present circumstances, and what I was experiencing now, did not determine my future.

Life isn’t always fair, but God is just. I didn’t have the last say so over my life, He did, and my future was blessed. God begin to speak life into my destiny, to give me hope.

“The days of my life all prepared
 before I’d even lived one day.” Psalms 139:16, MSG

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11, NIV

Prayer of Healing

Father, I thank You that You are showing me that I am not without hope. Hope says that there is always the expectation of good coming to me. Lord, Your good surrounds me like a shield. Lord, help me to remember You are the only one that has the authority to give and take life. Forgive me for not honoring Your authority as I consider taking matters into my own hands. Show me the wonderful destiny and plans You have for me.

In Jesus’ Name, Amen.


Extreme Makeover

When I was young I hated my nose because it didn’t look like Hollywood’s definition of beauty. I wanted to change so many things about my appearance.  I even questioned God why He made me the way I was.

Insert Vol 96 America's next top model

Insert Vol 96 America’s next top model (Photo credit: Insert Magazine)

I grew up in Los Angeles, California, next to “Hollywood” where looks and image are extremely important. Surrounded by the world’s standard of what I should look like, I got discouraged when I didn’t look like America’s next top model. I could not emulate Hollywood’s standards of beauty, intelligence, and success.

As I began to grow in the Word, I began to see myself more through the eyes of God. Those things that I didn’t like about myself, especially my nose became the things that made me special and unique.

If I had continually used society’s yardstick to measure my life, I would come out as lacking. I would not have been able to fulfill my own destiny if I continued to try to live someone else’s life.

The world defines success as the attainment of wealth, goals, position, or honors; but the biblical meaning of success or Sakal-Hebrew, actually means to prosper, wise and understand.  (Read Joshua 1:8)

Joshua 1:8 (ESV)

“This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.”

God definition of success is different from the world. It is not about the attainment of physical beauty, wealth, position and honors, but about having wisdom, understanding and flourishing as a person. His Word was my extreme makeover. Mediate on God’s Word daily and you will be on the road to success.

Prayer of Healing: 

Father, I thank you that I am a beautiful and unique person. In Psalms 139, You said that I am fearfully and wonderful made. Your works are wonderful and that is what I determine to see about myself.  Forgive me for comparing myself to others and judging myself by worldly standards. Today, I live in the reality of who You have made me.

In Jesus’ Name, Amen.


“Your airplane has been cancelled, please go to the ticket counter to reschedule your flight and get a voucher for a hotel room.”

It was 9:30pm, I was at the Philadelphia airport when I heard those dreaded words. I had been sitting in this airport for 6 hours already.


wait (Photo credit: CmdrFire)

I had an early start at 8:30am in the airport at Cancun, Mexico, after coming back from an outreach in Cuba.  Just the day before, I experienced a 5-hour delay in Cuba, going to Cancun en route back to the U.S. and finally caught the last shuttle to the hotel at 10:50pm.

We spend a good deal of our lives waiting in lines at the checkout counters in stores, restaurants, doctors’ offices, in traffic, customers service phone calls, on people, etc. There must be a way to wait that won’t perturb us and make us loose our cool.  I must admit that I didn’t pass the test of waiting with the right attitude on this trip.  I wish I could tell you that I was a blessing to everyone I met, but that didn’t happen.

All I could say was, “Please be patient, God is not finished with me yet!”

We will have difficult times of waiting in our lives, where we want to speed up God’s process and timing.

Sometime ago, I needed money to pay my rent that was due on the first of the month, but I didn’t have enough money. So I borrowed from friends and relatives. When I went to the office to pay my rent, the manager was out of town and he was coming back only on the third of the month.

I checked my mailbox on the third, and I saw that my cheques had come in. There was enough money to pay my rent. God showed up in my time of need. I had tried to take things into my own hands and help God out, when He has actually worked everything out. God’s timing and provision increased my faith.

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.” Romans 8:26-28, MSG

Next time, you are given the opportunity to wait, focus on the love and goodness of God, you will be able to get through it better and be blessing to someone.

 Heavenly Father, Help me to develop an attitude of gratitude.  Father, enable me to always rejoice in knowing that Your love supersedes any difficulties I may encounter.  As I keep my eyes on Your love, goodness, and faithfulness You will keep me in perfect peace as I am going through this waiting process.  Thank You for allowing me to see this situation I am facing through Your eyes.

In Jesus’ Name Amen.

I Am Royalty

“The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have announced their newborn son is to be called George Alexander Louis. He will be known as His Royal Highness Prince George of Cambridge,” reported the U.K Guardian.

Screenshot Prince William, Kate & Royal Baby a...

Screenshot Prince William, Kate & Royal Baby at Lindo Wing (Photo credit: Steve Rhodes)

The whole world was in awe as they were informed of the birth of Prince William and Kate’s “new prince.” Third in line to the British throne, newscasters said this child is worth at least one billion dollars.

I lived in England for a while, and I know how excited people can get when there is news from the Palace. We rejoice at the birth of this child, believing that his life and destiny will be a blessing to many.

Another child came into this world over 2000 years ago, and He was the epitome of Royalty. When I first heard God called me His royal daughter and child, it made me feel special.

At that time, I was going through a plateau in my job. I somehow felt that I had missed my destiny and felt empty. My life wasn’t fulfilling and my job was not going as I had thought it would. I felt that I had made the wrong choice.

God said to me, “You are my daughter, I had already planned your life. You haven’t missed out. Nothing takes me by surprise or catches me unaware. You may be unaware, but as your Father, I always know what’s coming ahead and I have made all the preparations. I am your Father, and I have promised to take care of you.”

When we believe in Jesus as our Savior and Lord, we are adopted into His family. We become royalty based on the Word of God.

“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” 1 Peter 2:9, NIV

We are in a royal family, because of what Jesus has done on the Cross. He has given us a new identity and He wants us to begin looking at ourselves differently.

We are no longer paupers, but Sons and Daughters of royalty. The new Prince George Alexander Louis is worth over a billion dollars, but as a son or daughter of God you are “Priceless!”

Father, help me to understand and embrace the identity You have given to me as Your son/daughter in Your Kingdom.  I am Your child and You have taken the responsibility to love, care and protect me.  I am so glad to be in Your family.  I give You my hand, teach me how to be Your child and enjoy You.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Lies We Believe

“I will never do that again,” “I will never over eat like that,” “I will never spend that much money again”

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Description unavailable (Photo credit: d e x t e r .)

We vow to ourselves that we won’t do certain behaviors and actions ever again. We promise ourselves over and over again that we won’t do it, only to find ourselves doing it again. Where do those lies come from? Sometimes these lies come from us, other people’s values and influences, or by Satan himself.

Satan is always trying to devalue us, and to make us think that God is not for us. He wants us to believe a lie about God and about ourselves. He tells us a lie, and makes it seem that it is true. When we buy into it, we own the lie as if this is what we truly believe, or accept as the truth about us and our circumstances.

Lies We Hear 

Growing up as a child, we are often influenced by our families, those in authority and friends who spoke both truth and lies into our life that we assumed as facts.

  • “You are stupid, you will never be as good as your sister or brother.”
  • “Strong boys never cry.”
  • “You are too fat.”
  • “You’re not very good looking.”

When we began to take them into our soul, we begin to list them as facts, and act as if this is really true about ourselves.

Lies Man Tell

  • “It’s all my bosses’ fault why I am not promoted”
  • “I lost my job because of the economic recession.”
  • “I lost job because my bosses’ friend took the job away from me.”
  • “I was not promoted because I didn’t get the support from my wife at home when I needed it most.”

Man lies about his work because he derives his identity from his work. God gave man work before He gave him a woman.

Lies Woman Tell

  • “I am too fat. I can’t compete with younger and beautiful woman.”
  • “I am not worth being loved, so I stayed in this abusive relationship because this is the best I can do.”
  • “He just trying to encourage me when he tells me that I am ugly and fat.”

Woman lies about how she feels about her relationships, because a woman was given to the man to be a helpmate. She finds her fulfillment in a home and being a helpmate.

Flower photo

Flower photo (Photo credit: @Doug88888)

Who We Really Are

God wants us to go to the Word and find out who we really are. We are the most valuable being in the universe because it cost God, the Father, His Son, and it cost Jesus, His life for us. When we replace the lie with the truth of God’s word, we will gain freedom to speak the truth about who we are.

For a long time, I felt that God favored other people instead of me. Their lives looked better than mine. They had better jobs and better relationships. Therefore, I believed that God doesn’t love me the same way He loved others.

I knew this wasn’t right and that was the lie. As I began questioning God, new thoughts rose up in my spirit.

God is my greatest cheerleader, and He felt an extravagant love for me. There was nothing He wouldn’t do for me.

I replaced the negative thoughts with the truth, and this has brought such joy to my heart.

“If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.” John 14:23, ESV

Replace the lies about yourself with the truth of God’s Word. When we learn to speak God’s Word about ourselves, we will be truthful to ourselves.

Father, I ask You to free me from all the lies I believed about myself. Unveil Your truth into my being so that I may see what You see about me and who I am. Free me from all the lies I believed from my childhood, and from other people’s influence. I will not be controlled by the lies of others, because I choose God’s freedom and to walk in truth. Thank You for freeing me from false identity, fear, confusion, and Satan’s deception.

In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

Embracing God as My Father

The greatest revelation I have ever had in my life was to find out that God was truly my Father. He just wasn’t God up in the sky, or Jesus in my heart. He was God, my Father. Whatever kind of father you have, you might have placed his characteristics on your heavenly Father. That is just what I did.

For me, having the concept of God as my heavenly Father was only an intellectual ascent. But the day, I understood that God was my biggest Fan, and He truly loved me unconditionally, changed my very life.

Sunset at Porto Covo

Sunset at Porto Covo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I remember a time in prayer when He began to pour His love on me. The first time, I experienced this was at a prayer meeting. God begin to say, “I love you, I love you, I love you over and over.”

This was the first time, I heard God say, “I love you, Brenda. I’ve covered you with my love.

I felt a warm and cozy feeling come over me, and I could not stop crying. I felt something touch my back. I almost looked around to see if there was anybody there. I opened my eyes, but there was no one.

Then, I heard these words, “I’ve got your back and I AM for you.

I can’t explain it, but for the first time I felt valuable to someone, and that someone cared about me. I didn’t have to face this life alone. It’s like I had my personal cheerleader saying, “You go girl, you can do it. I have your back.”

This is where I learned to call him, “My Papa, my Daddy.” Calling him Papa has changed my relationship with him. There is nothing my Papa won’t do for me, because I am His special child.

God wants all of us to know how much He loves us, and how special we are to Him. He is our greatest Encourager. He is always rooting for us, because He knows we will always win. God has happy thoughts toward you every day.

“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” Jeremiah 31:3, NIV

Sit on your Daddy’s lap, and let Him tell you how special you are to Him.

“My child, on the day you were born, I hovered over you with excitement, knowing my beautiful creation had come to fulfillment. I have always wanted you. You were never a mistake in my eyes. I wanted to show you how much I love to shower you with blessings, grace and mercy, because you are my child made in my image. Your earthly parents are only stewards of you, but truly, you belong to Me. I desire to have an intimate relationship with you. I am a good Papa. Whatever you need I will provide, feel free to ask Me. My love for you will never stop, never grow old, and never lose potency.

You may have read in My Word that I rejoice over you with singing. This is true. Open up your ears and heart, you may hear me singing to you. There is nothing more valuable in this universe that I have created other than you. I am your greatest Fan, your greatest Cheerleader and your greatest Encourager. I gave up my Son, Jesus, so that I could gain you back. I will never let you go. I want the opportunity for us to get to know each other better.

Love, Your Heavenly Father, God Almighty.

“…and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 3:19, ESV

“For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16, NIV