“I can’t go on, Lord. I have had enough,” I said to myself one Sunday evening. I placed a bottle of sleeping pills in front of me as I sat on my bed.
I had been depressed for several months. I was extremely stressed working in my job, and I was upset with God that I was still single. I was already in my 30s and still not yet married. My hopes and dreams were dashed.
For several months, I went through the motions of going to church every Sunday, and serving Him in full time ministry. But I felt that my life was going in a direction that I had no control over. I felt hopeless and all alone in this world. I was ashamed and didn’t talk to anyone because I felt family and friends wouldn’t understand.
I just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up in pain anymore. I cried out to God to take away my pain.
“I waited and waited and waited for God. At last he looked; finally he listened. He lifted me out of the ditch, pulled me from deep mud. He stood me up on a solid rock to make sure I wouldn’t slip.” Psalms 40:1-2, MSG.
During this time, God reminded me that I have an enemy, Satan, who would love to get credit for cutting my life short. But God showed me that my life was greater than my present circumstances, and what I was experiencing now, did not determine my future.
Life isn’t always fair, but God is just. I didn’t have the last say so over my life, He did, and my future was blessed. God begin to speak life into my destiny, to give me hope.
“The days of my life all prepared before I’d even lived one day.” Psalms 139:16, MSG
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11, NIV
Prayer of Healing
Father, I thank You that You are showing me that I am not without hope. Hope says that there is always the expectation of good coming to me. Lord, Your good surrounds me like a shield. Lord, help me to remember You are the only one that has the authority to give and take life. Forgive me for not honoring Your authority as I consider taking matters into my own hands. Show me the wonderful destiny and plans You have for me.
In Jesus’ Name, Amen.