One day, I was driving in my car and I had been struggling over writing a book. The Lord said to me, “I want you to write a book called Deliver Me from Me.”
Deliver Me from Me is my journey and the transformation of my soul.
The greatest gift God has given us is the ability to forget. If we were to remember all our painful experiences, disappointments and shame in our conscious everyday life; we will go crazy. So we bury those painful experiences without ever dealing with it, and later on in life, they come up at the most in opportune time to affect us. Every experience we have ever had, has molded our personality and makes us act the way we do.
“Inner healing does not erase the memory or change our personal history. Rather, it enables us to cherish even the worst moments in our lives, for through them God has inscribed eternal lessons on to our hearts and prepared us to minister to all who have suffered in the same way.”
John and Paula Sandford in ‘The Transformation of the Inner Man.’
Believe it or not, you will bless someone one day, with what you’ve experienced, if you allow God to heal you. God wants to turn your Mess into your Message, and your Tests will become your Testimony.
Getting back to the car, God begin to show me that I was my biggest problem.
We sometimes want to blame everybody else such as family members, husband-and-wife, children, friends, and even the devil. Truly situations, people and the devil have affected our lives. But most of the time, it is really our own self that gets in the way of us fulfilling our destiny.
I was in full-time ministry and Spirit-filled, but I could not thank God for giving me life. I never wanted to be here. I just didn’t appreciate life, and more so my life. I knew I wasn’t supposed to feel this way, but I didn’t know why I did.
Many years ago, I begin to ask this question,“Why do I act like this?”
God began to show me that in my mother’s womb, I received a spirit of rejection. She just didn’t want another child. My mother thought that she was through having children. She went to two doctors in the same day, and both told her she was pregnant.
I was the youngest of three children, with a five year gap between me and my sister.
In order for my life to flourish, I had to stop those negative thought patterns in my life and get rid of the strongholds that bind me to the past such as unforgiveness, anger, resentment, bitterness, anxiety and fears.
“Lord, deliver me from wrong thinking, from my lack of understanding, from getting in the way of what You want to do in my life.”
“Lord, Deliver Me from Me!”